Let’s talk about the elephant in the bedroom.

Sex toys. For something so personal, so human, and so rooted in pleasure – why do they still carry so much stigma?

In an age of open-mindedness, dating apps, and self-help books about orgasms, one would think we’ve evolved past the whispering and awkward giggles. But no – many people still feel a deep sense of shame around owning, using, or even talking about sex toys.

So… why?

The roots of shame: culture, silence, and control

Let’s be honest – the shame doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s built over time.

In many cultures, especially conservative or religious ones, sexuality has long been portrayed as something to hide. Masturbation? A sin. Female pleasure? Ignored or taboo. And sex toys? Well… “perverted,” “unnecessary,” or “only for people who can’t get a real partner.”

This kind of messaging creates an emotional legacy. Even when we know better intellectually, the emotional reflex remains: we blush, we hide, we feel “naughty.”

And marketing hasn’t helped either. For decades, sex toys were tucked into sleazy shops with dark windows, sold in packaging that screamed guilt. Only recently have brands begun treating these products with the same respect as skincare or wellness items.

The gendered double standards

Here’s where it gets extra frustrating: the shame often hits women harder.

Men joking about masturbation or sex toys? Socially accepted. A woman talking about her vibrator? Still shocking to some.

This double standard reinforces the idea that women’s pleasure is secondary – or worse, inappropriate. No wonder so many people hesitate to explore or express their desires.

But here’s the truth: pleasure is not shameful

Sexual wellness is self-care, not scandal.

Owning a toy doesn’t mean you’re “lonely,” “addicted,” or “weird.” It means you’re curious. You care about your own body. You want to understand what feels good, and maybe share that joy with a partner too.

Sex toys are not competition – they’re tools. Tools for connection, exploration, healing, fun. And sometimes, they’re a quiet reminder that you deserve pleasure. Yes, you.

Breaking the cycle: how to let go of the shame

If you’ve ever felt embarrassed about sex toys, you’re not alone. But you don’t have to stay stuck in that mindset.

Here are a few gentle steps to start shifting the narrative:

• Talk openly. Start with trusted friends. You might be surprised how many have their own toys – and stories.
• Reframe it. Think of sex toys like any other wellness product. Yoga mat for your body? Bullet vibrator for your pleasure.
• Educate yourself. Read. Watch. Listen. The more you understand, the less power shame has.
• Celebrate curiosity. You’re allowed to explore. In fact, you’re encouraged to.

Let’s normalise the normal

At the end of the day, using sex toys is not some wild rebellion. It’s a deeply human experience – rooted in self-knowledge, trust, and, yes, joy.

So let’s drop the shame. Let’s trade awkward silence for informed conversation. Let’s let pleasure in – without apology.

Because your body isn’t something to be ashamed of. And neither is what makes it feel good.